Talk:Tropical Depression One (2009)

I'm not too keen on the idea of copy and pasting articles from enwiki whilst changing a few words here and there. That said, here are some examples of complexity from the lead alone:

The storm became a tropical depression on May 28; it was the third time in three years in a row that a tropical cyclone formed before June 1, the official start of the hurricane season. - Too long.
- The storm became a tropical depression on May 28. It was the third time in three years in a row that a tropical cyclone formed before June 1, which is when the hurricane season usually begins. Better? Split it into two sentences. Explained the latter sentence a bit.
  - Sounds good. –Juliancolton | ^Talk 14:01, 11 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]
The storm started as a disorganized low pressure area off the coast of North Carolina. - "Disorganized" is not simple.
- Is unorganized okay?
It reached its highest strength with wind speeds of 35 mph (55 km/h) and a minimum pressure of 1006 mbar (hPa; 29.71 inHg). - "Minimum pressure" probably isn't simple.
- Changed minimum with lowest. Linked pressure with atmospheric pressure.
On May 29, the storm's convection fell apart and the National Hurricane Center later gave out its last advisory on the storm. - Surely you can substitute "convection" for a simpler term? Readers shouldn't have to click on every other word to understand what a sentence means.
- On May 29, the storm began to fall apart and the National Hurricane Center later gave out its last advisory on the storm. Better?
  - Yep, much better. –Juliancolton | ^Talk 14:01, 11 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Tropical Depression One did not affect land, although the storm did bring light rainfall to parts of coastal North Carolina before it was a tropical depression. - How could it have produced precipitation whilst simultaneously avoiding land? (I know the answer, but this would be extremely difficult for most people—let alone non-native speakers—to understand).
- The storm that would later become to be TD 1, did have minimal land interaction with North Carolina before it was classified as a depression. It didn't make landfall or a direct hit, but the edges of the storm did manage to brush the eastern tip of the state. --§ Snake311 _{(I'm Not Okay!)} 23:40, 10 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  - So please say that in the article in a manner which would be understandable to everybody. –Juliancolton | ^Talk 14:01, 11 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    - This is as the most simple that I can write it as. If you have any better ideas, put in some suggestions or DIY.[1] —§ Snake311 _{(I'm Not Okay!)} 14:43, 11 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

–Juliancolton | ^Talk 23:09, 10 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

You know my cousin already understands this information, even if it is NOT in simple english. Yet he is only in the 4th grade. Does the vocabulary here has to be at pre-school level? --§ Snake311 _{(I'm Not Okay!)} 23:14, 10 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Is English his mother tongue? –Juliancolton | ^Talk 23:18, 10 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Yes. He was born, raised, and lived his whole life in the US. His first spoken word was also english. That's the most I can say without giving away private information. --§ Snake311 _{(I'm Not Okay!)} 23:25, 10 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Then I'm not surprised he understands it. In any event, could you please address the issues I listed? Thanks. –Juliancolton | ^Talk 23:26, 10 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

PM's review[change source]

Lead[change source]

The storm became a tropical depression on May 28. - Explain please. And a ref if possible

Ref added. I think the sentence explains itself. —§ Snake311 _{(I'm Not Okay!)} 19:21, 14 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

It was the third time in three years in a row that a tropical cyclone formed before June 1, which is when a hurricane season usually begins. - Source?

Got it. —§ Snake311 _{(I'm Not Okay!)} 19:21, 14 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The storm started as an unorganized low pressure area off the coast of North Carolina. - Link unorganized

Unorganized and unorganize are both redlinks. No wikitionary entry for both either. —§ Snake311 _{(I'm Not Okay!)} 19:25, 14 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Before the National Hurricane Center (NHC) called the storm a tropical depression, the eastern tip of North Carolina did see some light rainfall from parts of the cyclone - Too long

Any suggestions on a shorter sentence? —§ Snake311 _{(I'm Not Okay!)} 19:21, 14 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

It started to strengthen and became more organized. - Simplify

"It started to become stronger and organized." Is that better? —§ Snake311 _{(I'm Not Okay!)} 19:21, 14 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Storm history[change source]

organized ... disorganized - Explain please
monitoring - simplify
strengthen - simplify
Link north east

Fixed. —§ Snake311 _{(I'm Not Okay!)} 19:27, 14 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

On May 28, the NHC started to monitor the storm again and on 11:00 am EDT (1500 UTC), they declared the storm to be a tropical cyclone and named it Tropical Depression One. - Would be helpful if we got a ref.

Fixed. —§ Snake311 _{(I'm Not Okay!)} 19:35, 14 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The reason why the depression restrengthened was because of lower wind shear and warmer ocean waters from the Gulf Stream - complex
But the NHC thought the depression didn't strengthen and that winds were affected by rain. - ref please; thoughts must be cited
the center of circulation - explain

It is linked to eye (cyclone). That should explain itself enough with one click of a mouse. —§ Snake311 _{(I'm Not Okay!)} 19:35, 14 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Explain "a quick burst of convection"
By then, the tropical depression was no longer expected to strength anymore and was forecasted to weaken. - grammar
A few hours later, the center of circulation was ripped apart by strong wind shear while a nearby trough also started to absorb the rest of the storm - very complex
Link warm front

Fixed. —§ Snake311 _{(I'm Not Okay!)} 19:27, 14 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Preparations, impact, and records[change source]

Title heading is complex

Changed the title to "Impact and records". The section clearly describes the effects of the cyclone on land including rainfall, wind speed measurements, and air pressure. It also explains the coincidencal event of three seasons in a row spawning a pre-season storm. —§ Snake311 _{(I'm Not Okay!)} 19:09, 14 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Link mBar

Fixed. —§ Snake311 _{(I'm Not Okay!)} 19:09, 14 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Other[change source]

The article is too dependent on a single website. Find other refs.

The NHC is an official reference in regards to tropical cyclones. It is a reliable third-party source. However, such storms that stay mostly off-shore and don't generate any severe damages or cause any fatalities, like TD 1, are not mentioned in other news websites. Unless a cyclone causes big catastrophe on land or causes a mass panic, in most cases the NHC is the only reliable source we have. —§ Snake311 _{(I'm Not Okay!)} 19:09, 14 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I think that's it for now. More later. Pmlineditor Talk 17:20, 14 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

May I remind you that this is just a peer review, not a FAC nomination. —§ Snake311 _{(I'm Not Okay!)} 19:28, 14 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Please stop talking about enwp terms such as FAC etc. etc. We are the Simple English Wikipedia. We have different motives. Don't judge this by enWP standards. Thank you, Pmlineditor Talk 09:32, 15 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Still not a simple article[change source]

On a sentence- and word-level, this article is sufficiently simple. However, there's more to writing a Simple English article than just copy/pasting from enwiki and changing a few words around. Articles here need to be fundamentally simpler; they need to omit insignificant details and statistics. The prose as a whole needs to flow in a more simple manner. I still think this article needs work. –Juliancolton | ^Talk 02:44, 21 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]