Talk:Japanese American internment

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The simplification looks good, but I do have a couple of concerns:

Changing "American citizens" to "American people" really misses the point of including the phrase in the first place. By definition, they're all Americans already by living in the US, so that by itself doesn't say much.

Also, I'm not sure that changing "declared war" to "decided war" makes sense grammatically.

Otherwise, good simplification! Kansan (talk) 00:49, 1 April 2010 (UTC)

Going along the lines of what you came up with, I went ahead and removed some more of the phrase on American people so that it's simpler. I do think that the phrase "declared war" needs to remain, though. Kansan (talk) 02:46, 1 April 2010 (UTC)

Names of camps[change source]

That's a very good change, thanks for making it. I was wondering if it would be a good idea to add a table with the different types of camps. Kansan (talk) 02:31, 15 October 2010 (UTC)

That's fine by me. 02:33, 15 October 2010 (UTC)

Comments[change source]

Salutations, dear Kansan! This article seems fit and healthy, and with the help of just a few more references, I'm sure it'll pass the PGA. I left a nice, long list below so you can be tormented fixing them. :P Okay, just kidding. But the fact still stays firm: there's work to do. I'll try to fix them myself, although the clock is nearly strangling me these days (aaauurgh, help!) so I can't guarantee anything. Queerly enough, ;) I always happen to find time in leaving criticism. Well, enough of my jabbering nonsense, let's get to business. The whole article in general would look better with a slight expansion as well, if you'd like some more of my picky opinion. And then the huge list comes to trample you:

  • "Many Americans were angry, and some blamed all Japanese people for what had happened." Well, this is the kind of sentence that needs a reliable, sweet reference to back it up with, as a slight twist of the words could make it sound POV-ish. Or maybe I'm just trying to make criticism out of something perfectly good? Either way, decide for yourself if you want to fix that.
See note to next point. To be honest, I don't really see this as a POV issue because it does accurately describe the anti-Japanese hysteria in the US after the Pearl Harbor attack, but you're right about the need to source, which I've now done. Kansan (talk) 13:11, 26 October 2010 (UTC)
  • "People spread gossip that some Japanese people knew about the attack ahead of time and helped the Japanese military." Okay, who? This could be easily confronted with the {{fact}} template, so it would be nice if you could mention an example of the "People" who spread gossip.
The rumors are mentioned in source 2 (affixed to the end of that paragraph), which is [1]. I also looked in this book on Google Books: [2]. Nowhere does it specifically mention who spread them, but in context, it seems to refer to non-Japanese Americans. However, I did find some testimony from some military people who helped fan the flames, and as I keep trying to find some good sourcing, I will add this for now. Kansan (talk) 15:16, 19 October 2010 (UTC)
  • "One person who was shot and killed was James Wakasa, who stepped outside the barbed wire fence." Well, this sentence seems like there are too much "who"s and "was"es crowding into it, if you'll agree with me. Maybe it would sound less confusing and complex as "James Wakasa was one of the shot and killed people, for stepping outside the barbed wire fence." or something like that.
 Fixed I changed the wording a little; I hope you think it makes more sense as is (I'm not averse to changing it again if need be). Kansan (talk) 15:28, 19 October 2010 (UTC)
  • "Most of the camps were many miles inland from the coast, and often in rural areas. Many of the camps were in the desert," Ah, and this is the part where it'd sound better with the two sentences linked together. So it would be something like "Most of the camps were many miles inland from the coast, and often in rural areas ore the desert."
X mark.svg Not done Actually, I think the first sentence was simpler ("ore" more correct). Face-wink.svgClementina talk 13:12, 26 October 2010 (UTC)
  • After the sentence above, follow on with the rest of the sentence, like "Japanese Americans were not used to that kind of climate and place." The word "uncomfortable" here sounds a little too expressionless and mild for Japanese Americans in camps with barbed wires.
What might you recommend there instead? Although it is a little mild, I do want to be careful not to resort to stronger language than necessary to keep the article neutral. Kansan (talk) 18:38, 26 October 2010 (UTC)
  • "Perhaps the most famous camp was Manzanar, which was in the California ." Methinks my sharp eye has found something! If you will permit me to explain, there is a small blank after the word California and before the period mark. This is not correct punctuation and needs fixing. Also, Manzanara is a red link and a complex word, so it needs a link. If you can, please create a page about it soon. :)
 FixedClementina talk 09:29, 18 October 2010 (UTC)
  • "However, it would take more than 40 years for the government to say that it was sorry to Japanese Americans for what had happened." Hmm. This sentence would be better summed up as "However, it would take more than 40 years for the government to apologize for what had happened." Apologize isn't really a complex word, and so in this case it can be used instead of "to say that it was sorry". And the government sounds a little funny referred to as "it".
 Fixed Personally, I still think "say sorry" is simpler, but as it's repeated in the next sentence "apologize" might be a better choice. —Clementina talk 09:29, 18 October 2010 (UTC)
  • Would you mind to add a section of "Other websites"? Most GAs have them, and I feel somehow unsatisfied without it. Once again, sorry for my pickiness.
 Fixed Kansan (talk) 13:10, 26 October 2010 (UTC)

The list seems shorter than I thought. Maybe you'll survive through it alive after all. :P Well anyway, the article seems flawless besides my few nitpicky comments that don't matter much. Let me know if you're finished fixing the list and I'll see if I can find more! Very warmly, Bella tête-à-tête 08:56, 18 October 2010 (UTC)

  • Try adding a quotation from the executive order 9066 (?) --Chemicalinterest (talk) 23:10, 29 October 2010 (UTC)