Talk:Monarch butterfly

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Review[change source]

  • "It is the most well known butterfly in North America." - needs a source, unless the first ref covers the entire paragraph.
The first ref covers the entire paragraph.
  • "It is called an androconium (plural, androconia)" - Why the comma?
The comma takes the place of the word "is".
  • "It has an extra black band across the hind wing." - What is 'it'?
"It" is a pronoun that takes the place of the word "Viceroy". It's better grammar not to continue repeating the same word.
  • "The caterpillar will reach a length of 5 cm (2 in)." - wrong tense.
I do not see a problem with tense here. If you like to suggest alternate wording, I'll be happy to a look at it.
  • "A white morph of the Monarch has been seen in Australia, New Zealand, Indonesia and the United States. " - Link morph.
I used the word "form" instead. It is simpler.
  • "It has been seen as early as the late 1800s." - source?
Haven't found a source yet. I will work on it.  Fixed
  • "It is only about 1% or less of all Monarchs." - The population of this type is .... all Monarchs.
 Fixed
  • "It has kept populations as high as 10% on Oahu in Hawai'i." - Quite confusing.
 Fixed
  • Link sanctuaries
 Fixed
  • "There are layers and layers of resting Monarchs overwintering." - link/clarify overwintering
It has already been clarified in the second paragraph of Migration.
  • "He didn't know where they went" - no shortcuts, please. Also, I think you can merge the 3rd and 4th paragraphs of Migration
 Fixed
  • Link Dr. Fred Urquhart, University of Toronto
 Fixed
  • "On this tag was his name, address, and a request to send him the butterfly if it was found." - these tags
Because tag is stated in the singular tense in the prior sentence, it is maintained in the singular tense as "this tag".
  • "In a few months, butterflies were returned to him from all over North America and Mexico." - active voice
 Fixed
  • "Mexico was the most southern area from which he had gotten a butterfly returned, so he started traveling there to look for the Monarchs. For many years, he traveled to Mexico." - southernmost area.
 Fixed

This is all for now. Note that I've only reviewed till Migration. Further review coming up if these concerns are fixed. Pmlineditor ∞ 06:23, 24 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I have reviewed the comments so far. Megan McCarty|talkchanges 22:11, 25 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Great job, Megan! Classical Esther 02:44, 26 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Okay, further review coming in a bit. Pmlineditor ∞ 11:50, 12 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

'Similar' species[change source]

Two butterfly species showing the same warning pattern: The Monarch left, and the Viceroy right, both taste foul.

The examples you give are all examples of Müllerian mimicry; there is another group of Batesian mimics of the Monarch & its relatives: in Africa, examples are the Swallow-tail Papilio dardanus (in one of its morphs), and Hypolimnas misippus (female form only: see Wickler W. 1968. Mimicry in plants and animals. McGraw-Hill, New York. p29).

'Similar' is a rather tricky word in biology: it begs the question similar in what way? Relatedness? Or something else? In general, superficial appearances only make sense when linked to information about the natural history of the organism in the field. Macdonald-ross (talk) 09:00, 24 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I changed it to say "Species similar in appearance" in keeping it simple. If you feel this needs more attention, please feel free to modify as you deem appropriate. Megan McCarty|talkchanges 22:11, 25 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Simple English[change source]

The article does not score well on the readability tests, [1], but a lot of this seems to be in the longer technical words. It would be worth looking at the following words which are not on the Simple English lists, and seeing if you can either change them to something more simple, or add a definition or link.

Words[change source]

  • hind, plural, releases, scents, southwards, northwards, caterpillar, stripes, mate, tan, moth, morph, reddish, fore, submarginal, pale, southern, northern, strays, rarely, overwinter, cling, tag, tagged, returned, southernmost, climbed, finally, suburban, pine, cypress, eucalyptus, groves, fir, anymore, milkweed, singly, laid, host, weigh, diameter, hatches, shedding, molts, gravel, immune, species, patches, shining, clusters, horizontal, reared, sanctuaries, created, favorite, paths, track,
    Not all words to be need on the lists. How can "caterpillar" or "moth" be simplified? And how is "favorite" or "plural" unsimple? Pmlineditor ∞ 09:48, 21 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
If words can not be simplified, and "moth" and "caterpillar" are good examples, then they should be linked. Other words should be chosen with care. "Favorite" and "plural" are unsimple because they are not on the simple English word lists. If you must use "favorite" and "plural" then they should be linked to the wiktionary. All this is what makes writing for the SEWP a challenge. If the Monarch article is going to be one of our Good Articles (and I think it will) then it needs to be, like our other GA's and VGA's, an example of the best of Simple English. This is the core purpose of SEWP. --Peterdownunder (talk) 11:09, 21 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Okay, some of these linked. I'll see if I can create Wikt entries to link some of the others. Pmlineditor ∞ 11:13, 21 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I struck the words that are either linked, changed, or defined in parentheses. The rest I will work on later. Megan|talkchanges 01:53, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Fixed southernmost. Classical Esther ~ 10:55, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I think all the words have been simplified. Classical Esther♣ 04:52, 3 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Fixed one more that was missed. :) Megan|talkchanges 18:04, 3 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

PGA comments[change source]

  • You link stuff like "plural" per Peter's comment, but in the main, and it's already being used in the lead. We would normally link things that need to be linked on their first usage.
 Fixed Megan|talkchanges 00:46, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Page ranges (e.g. in the refs) need to use en-dash to separate the range.
 Fixed Megan|talkchanges 00:30, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Caterpillar should also be linked in the lead.
 Fixed Megan|talkchanges 00:30, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The white morph " - what's this?
 Fixed Changed to "form". I must have missed that one when I changed all of the others to "form". Megan|talkchanges 00:46, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • " it has kept populations as high" not sure this is grammatically correct.
I do not see anything grammatically incorrect about this. I'm open to suggestions on alternate wording. Megan|talkchanges 01:33, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • " is similar to the Monarch. It is smaller" - perhaps "similar to but smaller than the Monarch"?
 Fixed Megan|talkchanges 00:46, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "strays (wanders)" is "wander" a good way of putting this, as normally wandering is done by foot.
 Fixed removed "wanders" Megan|talkchanges 00:46, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "rarely as far as Greece" do you really mean "sometimes as far as Greece"?
 Fixed Megan|talkchanges 00:46, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • " don't travel all the" avoid contractions. Ditto for "doesn't have the"
 Fixed Megan|talkchanges 00:30, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "covering every part the area." not English.
 Fixed Megan|talkchanges 00:46, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • No need to overlink Canada.
 Fixed Megan|talkchanges 00:30, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • What is milkweed?
 Fixed Megan|talkchanges 00:46, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • pine, cypress and eucalyptus could all use links too.
 Fixed Forgot to link those when I expanded the section. Megan|talkchanges 01:33, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "It can be found in almost " we've lost track of what "It" is by this point, so repeat The Monarch.
 Fixed Megan|talkchanges 01:33, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "about 0.54 milligrams." that's a very precise approximation!
 Fixed Added ref Megan|talkchanges 01:33, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Tall Ironweed has a reference, none of the others do, why?
 Fixed The ref was suppose to cover the whole section. Moved the ref to the beginning of the list. Megan|talkchanges 00:30, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Same for white vine. Is this the ref for the whole section rather than just those specific things?
 Fixed Moved the ref to the beginning of the list. Megan|talkchanges 00:30, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • MOS says we shouldn't be using spaced hyphens, rather we should use spaced en-dashes.
 Fixed Megan|talkchanges 00:30, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "example of Müllerian mimicry." not referenced.
 Fixed Added ref Megan|talkchanges 01:33, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "apostatic selection" this needs linking or comprehensive explanation.
 Fixed Megan|talkchanges 01:33, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "and is thus" not exactly Simple English phrasing.
 Fixed Megan|talkchanges 01:33, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • What exactly is ref 13?
 Fixed Megan|talkchanges 01:33, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Don't mix date formats in the references.
I couldn't find any mixed date formats. If you found or know of some, could you leave a list of them here please? Thanks Megan|talkchanges 01:33, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Ref 29, for instance, has a mix of human-readable and ISO dates. The Rambling Man (talk) 07:50, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
 Fixed I believe I have fixed all of the date format issues. Megan|talkchanges 17:07, 23 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The Rambling Man (talk) 17:01, 21 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

More[change source]

Otherwise I think we're nearly there. The Rambling Man (talk) 18:52, 1 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

wikt links needed[change source]

There are still some ordinary words red-linked. They can be fixed by linking to (or creating defns in) wikt. Macdonald-ross (talk) 06:48, 1 February 2012 (UTC)[reply]

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