Talk:Royal Rumble (2009)

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PGA comments by Barras[change source]

  • Two sentences after each other start with "Another was". This sounds a bit odd. It there is an other way to express this, so please change it.
  • The match ends when one wrestler remains in the ring, after all 29 other wrestlers have been eliminated by being thrown over the top ring rope and having both feet touch the floor. - This sentence is a bit long.
  • Royal Rumble entrances and eliminations section: What the aim of the colours that are shown there at the beginning?

The rest looks fine to me. Barras (talk) 20:13, 23 October 2009 (UTC)

Sentences reworked, and the key explains what the colours mean. The Rambling Man (talk) 09:33, 26 October 2009 (UTC)

PVGA stuff[change source]

A quick run-through the first couple of sections reveals the following:

  • Lead is too short. A single para is inadequate for a VGA of this size. At least two big paras are needed which adequately summarise the whole article.
  • Infobox caption doesn't need a period.
  • Explain what PPV is before you use the abbreviation.
  • All important items should be linked for VGA, e.g. Joe Louis Arena or Fatal Four-Way elimination match
  • MOS says twenty-second should be 22nd.
  • I don't think a {{seealso}} to professional wrestling is relevant. Especially since you already link prof wrestling in the lead.
  • " yearly Royal Rumble match, which has been held at every Royal Rumble event since its debut" repetitive as "yearly" means "every year" - what you've written after the comma is tautological.
  • "The match ends when one wrestler remains in the ring. This is after all 29 other wrestlers have been" not explained well. If I remember correctly, there's a starting roster of around 30 wrestlers who join the ring once a minute (or so), and are eliminated by being thrown out of the ring. The winner is the last left. Your explanation seems weak and in reverse order to me.
  • And that sentence isn't referenced, in particular the ruling on "both feet" having to touch the floor to be eliminated.
  • "earns an title shot " poor grammatically and not encyclopedic. Perhaps, "a chance to win the title".
  • Don't overlink things like WWE Championship, ECW Championship etc.
  • Is rivalry simple?
  • What's "Raw brand"?
  • Link Raw.
  • Last para of "Background" is completely unreferenced.

Plenty more to review, but this is a start. The Rambling Man (talk) 19:10, 26 February 2010 (UTC)

I disagree about the lead, I mean what needs to be in the lead is there.--   CR90  22:30, 26 February 2010 (UTC)

More[change source]

  • Per MOS, don't superscript ordinals.
  • "the 22nd yearly Royal Rumble match " unnecessary repeat of 22nd yearly. you can just use "annual".
  • "PPV buy" is not simple.
  • "the ring ever 90 second" missing a y.
  • "coming to the ring ever 90 seconds until all thirty have made their way to the ring." "to the ring" repeated, poor prose.
  • "The winner a chance " poor grammar.
  • ECW Championship, for instance, is still overlinked.
  • Why not pipe link the rivalry to the Feud link rather than (Feud)?
  • "by pin or made to tap " what does this mean?!
  • "JBL earned his championship match against Cena after winning a Fatal Four-Way elimination match, a match where four wrestlers face each other at once and are eliminated one by one by pin or made to tap until only one is left, on the December 29, 2008 episode of Raw by beating Chris Jericho, Randy Orton, and Shawn Michaels" single sentence is way too long.
  • What's a " battle royal"?
  • SmackDown isn't linked in the background section while all other similar terms are.
  • Don't mix date formats in the references, all human-readable or all ISO.
  • Don't link dates per MOS.

I'll move onto the "event" section when these are satisfactorily dealt with. The Rambling Man (talk) 11:48, 27 February 2010 (UTC)

Quick breeze over other sections[change source]

  • You can't just use colour to denote some particular property, as people with colour-blindness may not see it. You need to use symbols as well. Check out the MOS with regard to accessibility. (that's what the read out of the brand is for.)
    • So why use the colours? The Rambling Man (talk) 23:31, 27 February 2010 (UTC)
      • Well it does have a use for those that can see it.--   CR90  23:35, 27 February 2010 (UTC)
  • Marella's record is unreferenced.
  • The en-dash causes sorting by Order to be odd in Safari. I don't see it sorting any different then you should, if you can elaborate that would be great.--   CR90  01:59, 8 March 2010 (UTC)
  • Is "Stipulations" simple?
  • Avoid spaced hyphens per MOS.
    • What section is this in?--   CR90  23:38, 27 February 2010 (UTC)

You'll need to address the word issue that Peter has noted as well, so once that's all done, I'll get back to reviewing it line by line. The Rambling Man (talk) 16:54, 27 February 2010 (UTC)

Could you explain how so I know how to fix the "en-dash"?--   CR90  23:16, 27 February 2010 (UTC)

Readability[change source]

The figures don't look good [1] with a Year 11 reading age and a readability level of 57%. There are a lot of words that are not simple used in the article. Non simple words: defending, rivalry, championship, earned, pinfall, submission, episode, brand, defeat, triple, announced, rumble, champion, targetted, countering, reversing, finisher, referee, woke, laid, commentary, desk, grabbed, ladder, lading (typo?), final,

There is also a lot of jargon which would not make sense to a simple English reader: "the chance to face..." "winning a battle royal" "pay-per-view" etc.

There are a couple of really long sentences which should be broken up in three or four shorter ones. For example the second paragraph in "Background" is just one long sentence. Peterdownunder (talk) 12:09, 27 February 2010 (UTC)

I've linked the wrds rivalry, brand. and there's a couple of words you metnion that are some very basic words like: champion, woke, laid, desk, grabbed, ladder, earned, etc.--   CR90  12:16, 27 February 2010 (UTC)
These "very basic words" are not part of the basic wordlist (see Wikipedia:Basic English combined wordlist). While you might find them basic in your own vocabulary, they are not basic for our list. Either way (talk) 14:51, 27 February 2010 (UTC)
This is part of the Simple English challenge - words like ladder can be linked to an article because I can not think of how you could use a "simpler" word, basic verbs like grabbed if really needed, could be linked to the simple English wiktionary. --Peterdownunder (talk) 21:58, 27 February 2010 (UTC)
Yes, I didn't know what woke meant. :p Classical Esther 06:19, 3 March 2010 (UTC)

Table[change source]

I'm not 100% sure I understand the table of contestants in the Royal Rumble. An explanation needs to be given for what each column means. I take it "draw" means the order they came into the ring? "Order" is the order they left it? Entrant is not a simple word. Why is the brand column needed? Does the fact that a person is connected to Raw or SmackDown play a role in the match at all? What does the "Time" column mean? Is it the amount of time they were in the ring?

More context and explanation is needed for the table. Either way (talk) 17:06, 27 February 2010 (UTC)

You're right on Order, Draw. I'll change Entrant to Name. The brand column doesn't have an effect on the match but usually plays a role in their decision if they win, but even if they didn't it's worth noting due to the wrestlers being brand exclusive. Time column is the amount of time they were in the ring. I guess I should simplify this.--   CR90  23:04, 27 February 2010 (UTC)
 Done--   CR90  23:15, 27 February 2010 (UTC)

VGA comments[change source]

  • Lead sentence is a bit too long for Simple English, too many clauses in it.
     Fixed
  • Royal Rumble is linked twice in quick succession, albeit on the second occasion to a section of the same article as the first. Confusing.
     Fixed
  • And do you need to repeat 22nd Royal Rumble?
     Fixed
  • "Royal Rumble 2008" refers to the year without parentheses while this article refers to its year with parentheses. Can we be consistent?
     Fixed
  • "brand" is overlinked.
     Fixed
  • A third of the way in and you feel it necessary to say "match (contest) "? Seems unnecessary at this point.
     Fixed
  • "This happened until.." not really, "This continued until.." is more accurate.
     Fixed
  • "The next match was the WWE Women's Championship match. " repetitive use of "match", perhaps "The next match was for the WWE Women's Chapmionship."?
     Fixed
  • "was set to put her title on the line" reads like a tabloid, be factually, e.g. "set to defened her title against"
     Fixed
  • What's a "a roll-up pin"?
  • "hit his finisher," what does this mean?
     Fixed
  • "on the line (meaning someone could win it) " again, reword this in such a way you don't need to explain what you've just written.
     Fixed
  • You refer to "Jeff Hardy" as Jeff, this should really be "Hardy" after you've introduced him. Only use Jeff when distinguishing him from his brother.
     Fixed
  • "eliminate (remove)" find a suitable way of saying it, or Wikt link it, but don't write it this way.
     Fixed
  • Eliminated by can be sorted, so you should relink the names each time in the "Eliminated by" column.
     Done Pmlineditor (t · c · l) 18:22, 7 May 2012 (UTC)
  • Unlink dates in the references and make sure they're all the same format (i.e. not a mix of 7 May 2009 and 2009-05-07)
  • Ref 12 refers to the publisher as an unlinked WWE while linked "World Wrestling Entermaint" exists throughout other references - be consistent.
     Fixed

The Rambling Man (talk) 13:33, 24 January 2011 (UTC)

Thanks TRM. Most of your concerns have been fixed. I'll do the remaining ones soon. Pmlineditor (t · c · l) 07:34, 27 January 2011 (UTC)