Talk:The Titan's Curse
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Comments on PGA, especially vocabulary[change source]
Good to see that you've gotten to the next one of these.
A few things I've noticed:
- "It won some of them such as the number one The New York Times children's series best seller"
- Best seller is is not an award, but a sales statistic. The award was for "New York Times Notable Book".
- These words are not simple, but most can be re-written in simple English. I made one change for sequel and for protagonist in one case each and linked a few others. In no special order: prequel, protagonist, sequel, synopsis, mythological, underworld, nominee, narrator, quest, prophecies, prototype, warrior, embrace, sarcastic. Simple English would be better than many, many Wiktionary links. Linking to Wiktionary disrupts reading and many of the definitions there are not that great.
- Wikilink this? "Quill Award" (article on En)
- "Go missing" is very idiomatic and difficult for language learners. Please change that.
- Changed to "are kidnapped".
- Thanks for the review. I'll try to address these issues. :) Pmlineditor (t · c · l) 13:28, 28 July 2011 (UTC)
- Reviewers have called its plot fast-paced. - Especially the "fast-paced" isn't simple English.
- Major characters
- This section is not really good written. It often, or better far too often uses "she". This needs to be changed a bit to not look boring.
- Critical reception
- Awards and nominations
- The Titan's Curse received many literature-related awards. - There is says many, and then only three things get mentioned. Three isn't really many, imo.
- Reference #4 seems to be dead, at least it doesn't open for me.
- Archive.org has it archived at http://web.archive.org/web/20090228062238/http://www.rickriordan.com/children.htm. Casey, (Albacore (talk · changes)) 19:59, 28 July 2011 (UTC)
- A few other minor comments:
- In the refs you use Retrieved 18 January 2010 and Retrieved 2009-11-12. Be consistent.
- Refs 9 and 18 need page numbers
- Why not link delta symbol to Delta? Casey, (Albacore (talk · changes)) 14:13, 29 July 2011 (UTC)
Some comments[change source]
I figured I'd add some comments as well...
- There are a lot of "It..." sentences in the lead.
- The sentences about awards in the lead are a little awkward. The lead says it was nominated for many awards and won many of them such as the New York Times best seller. The best seller title is not something a book gets "nominated" for...it just earns it based on # of sales.
- "The audiobook was read by Jesse Bernstein" I know what it means, but I don't know if it reads that well in simple language. Is there a better way to phrase this?
- "Annabeth Chase and Artemis, the goddess of the hunt are kidnapped." a comma is needed after hunt/
- I think the word "humour" should be changed to "humor." The book is an written by an America author and was published in the United States, so I think the American English variant of the word should be used.
GA comments[change source]
- Council links to a disambiguation page.
- "quest (adventure)" can we link to wikt perhaps? Or just stick with adventure.
- "Jesse Bernstein " who's he?
- What's a "winter solstice"?
- "ophiotaurus" or "Ophiotaurus"? consistency.
- "During a battle between Thalia and Luke, Luke falls off a cliff and Percy assumes that Luke is dead." Luke three times in 11 words? Poor prose.
- Simple English - what's "independent" and what's "sarcastic"?
- " He is 28 years old. But he looks like a teenager." merge these sentences.
- Don't mix date formats in the references, i.e. all Day Month Year or YYYY-MM-DD.