Talk:The Titan's Curse

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Comments on PGA, especially vocabulary[change source]

Good to see that you've gotten to the next one of these.

A few things I've noticed:

  • "It won some of them such as the number one The New York Times children's series best seller[1][2]"
Best seller is is not an award, but a sales statistic. The award was for "New York Times Notable Book".
  • Ficed. Pmlineditor (t · c · l) 16:27, 11 August 2011 (UTC)
  • These words are not simple, but most can be re-written in simple English. I made one change for sequel and for protagonist in one case each and linked a few others. In no special order: prequel, protagonist, sequel, synopsis, mythological, underworld, nominee, narrator, quest, prophecies, prototype, warrior, embrace, sarcastic. Simple English would be better than many, many Wiktionary links. Linking to Wiktionary disrupts reading and many of the definitions there are not that great.
    Some fixed by changing the words to simpler, or explaining them and few through Wikt links. Will try and fix the others. Pmlineditor (t · c · l) 16:32, 11 August 2011 (UTC)
  • Wikilink this? "Quill Award" (article on En)
    Done. Will be created. Pmlineditor (t · c · l) 13:28, 28 July 2011 (UTC)
  • "Go missing" is very idiomatic and difficult for language learners. Please change that.
    Changed to "are kidnapped".

That's all I have for now. Thanks, Gotanda (talk) 06:18, 25 July 2011 (UTC)

Thanks for the review. I'll try to address these issues. :) Pmlineditor (t · c · l) 13:28, 28 July 2011 (UTC)

PGA[change source]

Plot
  • Reviewers have called its plot fast-paced. - Especially the "fast-paced" isn't simple English.
    Linked and explained. Pmlineditor (t · c · l) 16:22, 2 August 2011 (UTC)
Major characters
  • This section is not really good written. It often, or better far too often uses "she". This needs to be changed a bit to not look boring.
    Well, I've rewritten some parts and cut down on the number of pronouns. Could you take a look and say whether it is better now? Pmlineditor (t · c · l) 16:22, 2 August 2011 (UTC)
Critical reception
  • Again this "fast-paced".
    Fixed. Pmlineditor (t · c · l) 16:22, 2 August 2011 (UTC)
Awards and nominations
  • The Titan's Curse received many literature-related awards. - There is says many, and then only three things get mentioned. Three isn't really many, imo.
    Well, I've checked with the author's website, and changed the "many" to "some" as there aren't really any notable awards it won. Pmlineditor (t · c · l) 16:25, 11 August 2011 (UTC)
  • Reference #4 seems to be dead, at least it doesn't open for me.
Archive.org has it archived at http://web.archive.org/web/20090228062238/http://www.rickriordan.com/children.htm. Casey, (Albacore (talk · changes)) 19:59, 28 July 2011 (UTC)
Good catch! I've changed the link. Never figured out how this searching for old websites works.
Btw, might be good to generally update all the accessdates of websites. -Barras (talk) 20:03, 28 July 2011 (UTC)

I think that's it for now! Good work at all. -Barras (talk) 19:38, 28 July 2011 (UTC)

A few other minor comments:
In the refs you use Retrieved 18 January 2010 and Retrieved 2009-11-12. Be consistent.
Fixed, all refs have same format in accessdates. Pmlineditor (t · c · l) 16:22, 2 August 2011 (UTC)
Refs 9 and 18 need page numbers
To be honest, these have been used to source the content of the book(s) and have no specific page number. I'm not sure what to do here. Pmlineditor (t · c · l) 16:22, 2 August 2011 (UTC)
Why not link delta symbol to Delta? Casey, (Albacore (talk · changes)) 14:13, 29 July 2011 (UTC)
Fixed. Pmlineditor (t · c · l) 16:22, 2 August 2011 (UTC)

Thanks for the comments. Most of them have been fixed, some, such as creating red links and simplifying certain words are left to be done. Pmlineditor (t · c · l) 16:22, 2 August 2011 (UTC)

Some comments[change source]

I figured I'd add some comments as well...

  • There are a lot of "It..." sentences in the lead.
    Changed to "The book" and "The Titan's Curse" Pmlineditor (t · c · l) 15:54, 11 August 2011 (UTC)
  • The sentences about awards in the lead are a little awkward. The lead says it was nominated for many awards and won many of them such as the New York Times best seller. The best seller title is not something a book gets "nominated" for...it just earns it based on # of sales.
    "The book was also the number one The New York Times children's series best seller" is how it stands now. Pmlineditor (t · c · l) 15:54, 11 August 2011 (UTC)
  • "The audiobook was read by Jesse Bernstein" I know what it means, but I don't know if it reads that well in simple language. Is there a better way to phrase this?
    Changed to active voice, would that be better? Pmlineditor (t · c · l) 15:54, 11 August 2011 (UTC)
  • "Annabeth Chase and Artemis, the goddess of the hunt are kidnapped." a comma is needed after hunt/
    Fixed. Pmlineditor (t · c · l) 15:54, 11 August 2011 (UTC)
  • I think the word "humour" should be changed to "humor." The book is an written by an America author and was published in the United States, so I think the American English variant of the word should be used.
    Changed, except for one instance in a quote. Pmlineditor (t · c · l) 15:54, 11 August 2011 (UTC)

Other than that, looks pretty good! Either way (talk) 13:37, 11 August 2011 (UTC)

Thanks, I've fixed most of your concerns. :) Pmlineditor (t · c · l) 15:54, 11 August 2011 (UTC)

GA comments[change source]

  • Council links to a disambiguation page.
    Linked to Wiktionary. Pmlineditor (t · c · l) 17:52, 23 August 2011 (UTC)
  • "quest (adventure)" can we link to wikt perhaps? Or just stick with adventure.
    Quest removed. Pmlineditor (t · c · l) 17:52, 23 August 2011 (UTC)
  • "Jesse Bernstein " who's he?
    Mentioned in article that he is an actor. Pmlineditor (t · c · l) 17:52, 23 August 2011 (UTC)
  • What's a "winter solstice"?
    Seems like it has been linked. Pmlineditor (t · c · l) 17:52, 23 August 2011 (UTC)
  • "ophiotaurus" or "Ophiotaurus"? consistency.
 Done --Peterdownunder (talk) 04:00, 20 August 2011 (UTC)
  • "During a battle between Thalia and Luke, Luke falls off a cliff and Percy assumes that Luke is dead." Luke three times in 11 words? Poor prose.
 Done --Luke falls from a cliff during a battle with Thalia, and Percy thinks that he is dead. Peterdownunder (talk) 04:00, 20 August 2011 (UTC)
  • Simple English - what's "independent" and what's "sarcastic"?
 Done linked to wiktionary --Peterdownunder (talk) 04:19, 20 August 2011 (UTC)
  • " He is 28 years old. But he looks like a teenager." merge these sentences.
 Done --Peterdownunder (talk) 04:19, 20 August 2011 (UTC)
  • Don't mix date formats in the references, i.e. all Day Month Year or YYYY-MM-DD.
 Done --Peterdownunder (talk) 04:19, 20 August 2011 (UTC)

The Rambling Man (talk) 17:02, 15 August 2011 (UTC)