Talk:University of Cambridge
|A fact from University of Cambridge appeared on Wikipedia's Main Page in the Did you know? column on 17 March 2013.|
|This article contains a translation of University of Cambridge from en.wikipedia.|
List of things to do[change source]
1. First para is a bit peculiar. It really comes down to "Cambridge was founded after Oxford, by Fellows who moved there after..." The text is self-aggrandisement, pompously referring to all English-speaking countries when, at that time, only the British Isles were English-speaking. The other oddity is that the language of teaching was in Latin, not English! Don't forget to tell them that at some point.
2. OK, 89 Nobel Prizes. Great. How does that compare with Oxford? Find out, put it in. Good writing should anticipate the needs of the reader.
3. Delink all dates. Should have been done already. The key date is really 1209, with official rubber-stamping later.
4. Moving away from Catholicism. Hmm, bit long for a subhead. "A century later" -- later than what? Remind them of when Henry VIII broke with the church, and remind yourself that a writer's job is to anticipate the reader's need, again.
5. Important discoveries should be listed in date order, otherwise it's just a mess.
6. Colleges. There is very serious interference between the text and the graphics here. Solve it.
7. The Chancellor. The text appears not to know what the Chancellor does. It's quite simple. The Vice-Chancellor is the head and managing director of the internal working of the university. He struggles with the Masters of the colleges, who are supreme inside their colleges.
The Chancellor's job is to make sure the university is properly connected to the society as a whole, in particular with those bits of the society which interact with universities, such as governments, schools, employers. He or she is the university's contact man, able to reach out and influence others. The Chancellor is always a leading person in the society as a whole. Readers will want to know about that, and the job of a writer is.. what?
8. Traditionally, teaching is done in our ancient universities by means of tutorials. Also, lectures are organised for any subjects which are taught on a university-wide basis. Laboratory classes are held in the sciences. Tutorials are traditionally one-to-one between undergraduates and dons. Admittedly, this old system is under pressure from the university accountants, but it would be a great mistake to suggest that the university runs on the same basis as more modern institutions...
9. Clarify this and fix tenses. "Cambridge has been strong in applied mathematics since Isaac Newton was a student here in the 17th century. Every student had to study maths in order to obtain a degree. The degree was awarded as a Bachelor of Arts which mixed both arts and science subjects." Does that mean every student had to study math since Newton? They had to, but they no longer do? I don't know and cannot tell from the article. Reword the third sentence in simple SVO without passives.
10. Simplify many longer complicated sentences such as "The official creation of the University was in 1231, when King Henry III of England gave to the people there the right to teach students and lower taxes."
11. " All colleges were formed after the beginning of the University. Over the years, colleges bought all of these hostels back." The first sentence appears redundant/obvious. The second sentence makes no sense to me. The colleges started as hostels, so how could they buy themselves? Unclear.
Checking the page using read-able.com it shows: Readability Indices
- Flesch Kincaid Reading Ease: 64.5
- Flesch Kincaid Grade Level: 5.5
- Gunning Fog Score: 4.9
- SMOG Index: 5.1
- Coleman Liau Index: 12.3
- Automated Readability Index: 3.6
Comments for GA[change source]
Here are a few things which I think need to be done. I will add more as I work through the article in detail.
- Chancellor and Vice-chancellor red links. An article on a university really needs these links to be created.Peterdownunder (talk) 07:57, 25 March 2013 (UTC)
- Thanks everyone very much for the comments. I am sorry I have not been very active recently, I will try to look into this ASAP, reply and improve the article. Please feel free to continue to post comments in the meantime. --Mark91it's my world 13:52, 1 April 2013 (UTC)
Follow up from Simple Talk[change source]
The article just isn't as simple as it should be. It needs a thorough revision.
- subject-verb-object sentence structure as much as possible.
- break up longer compound or complex sentences.
- idiomatic, non-simple expressions.
- unnecessary detail