User:DefenseSupportParty/CTV PR

==Critique==

Introduction

1. The term 'the village street' in the introduction is somewhat confusing. Is it a street directly outside the village, or is it indeed inside the village?
2. The term 'Derby Assembly Rooms' is never adequately explained; what are they, and how are they significant to the history of the museum?

History of the museum

1. Would a simple english reader necessarily understand the term 'traffic', and what a 'traffic problem' would be?
2. We can't take it on faith that there are more tram second generation tramways being built. A reference would be handy.
3. SE readers may not know what a route is.
4. Same with engineer.
5. This sentence isn't quite correct: '...ground near to Clay Cross.'
6. The term 'mine' and 'mining' is not explained.
7. What is quality? I don't believe an SE speaker would necessarily understand.
8. Grammar: '...use and then his railway to transport it'
9. Definition: Company.
10. What is a 'farewell tour'?
11. Icon is also a complicated word to use.
12. 'they were often full of glass cases' seems ambiguous, without explanation of what said glass cases are meant to represent. The metaphor is flowery, but ineffective.
13. Instead of 'came across', 'seemed' may be a simpler phrase.
14. 'went on with their ideas' may be better as 'kept working'.
15. The word 'listed' is ambiguous; where are they listed?
16. 'Since then, the Society has grown with men and women from all over the world and of all age groups helping to make the tramway museum.' The entire sentence seems somewhat odd. I can't put my finger on it, but something along the lines of 'The society has grown with the help of men and women from all over the world.' The fact that the society makes the tramway museum has been mentioned, and it is thus redundant to include a second time.
17. 'Removing' may be complex, 'taking apart' may be simpler.
18. The term 'narrow gauge railway' is never explained, and frankly I don't actually know what that means.
19. 'Since then the society's members helped to get a large collection of tramcars from all over the world, as well as track and electrical equipment amongst other things.' Once again, a needlessly complex section. It is very long, and could be simplified greatly.
20. 'Many of the tramcars were also made to work again.' I may very well have been the one who reccomended the change, but a wikt link to 'repaired' may be better.
21. 'In 1967 the society decided that they would develop a village around the tramway, as trams did not run in limestone quarries, and so the idea of Crich Tramway Village appeared.' It is a very long sentence, and an idea does not just appear.
22. 'The museum got lots of items of street furniture and even some complete buildings.' Instead of lots of items, many items would be better. The word 'complete' is also somewhat complex; 'entire' would fit the purpose.
23. 'Many of these buildings have been changed to house the Museum's collections of books, pictures and archives.' The infinitive 'to house' is inelegant. 'To hold' would suffice and be more succinct.
24. 'and the income earned by visitors has been added to by grants from the Heritage Lottery Fund, the Designation Challenge Fund of the Museums, Libraries and Archives Council and the DEFRA Aggregates Levy Sustainability Fund.' Yikes! Long sentence, and two of the organizations have complex names without external links.
25. 'The museum remains an independent charity though, and this means that it receives no core funding from the state or local government.' What is core funding? State and local government?

Second section

1. 'This starts British tramway preservation.' This what? The buying of the tram, the tram itself, or what exactly?
2. '1955 - The Tramway Museum Society (TMS) is formed.' The word formed isn't easy; a wikt link may be a good idea.
3. '1959 - Crich is found as the place to house the National Tramway Museum.' Crich wasn't really found, it was chosen. So, a succinct rewording of 'Crich is chosen to house the National Tramway Museum'. Also, I am fairly sure National Tramway Museum need not be bolded.
4. '1960 - The Museum's first depot opens (Depot A) on the site of the current Workshop Galleries.' What is a depot; a gallery?
5. '1963 - The first horse tram is operated with "Bonny" the horse and Sheffield 15.' What does operated mean? And is a horse tram a tram that is a horse? It must be cleared up that the horse is powering the tram's movement.
6. '1964 - The first electric tramcar service operates with Blackpool & Fleetwood 2, Glasgow 22, Blackpool 40, Blackpool & Fleetwoord 40, Southampton 45, Blackpool 49, Blackpool 59, Sheffield 510 and Grimsby and Immingham 20 (now restored as Gateshead 5).' The word operates, once again. What does restored mean?
7. '1968 - The extension to Wakebridge opens on the 25 May. The museum holds its first "Grand Transport Extravaganza", during which Prague 180 arrives.' What is an extension? What is a 'Grand Transport Extravaganza'?
8. '1975 - His Royal Highness (HRH) The Duke of Gloucester becomes Patron of the Society.' What does His Royal Highness mean? What is a patron?
9. '1978 - The scenic tramway to Glory Mine is opened by the Secretary of State for Employment, along with the electrical substation at Wakebridge.' What does scenic mean? What is the 'Secretary of State for Employment'?
10. '1982 - The first part of the museum library opened' This one is fine.
11. '1983 - London County Council Tramways No. 106 launched.' What does launched mean?
12. '1985 - The Museum loans trams to Blackpool for their Electric Tram Centenary. Blackpool Boat 607 and Blackpool Balloon 710 visit the museum on loan in return.' What is an Electric Tram Centenary? 'in return' is an odd way to end the sentence; I would seperate them out into two different sentences, such as 'Blackpool loans trains to the Museum to thank them.'
13. '1991 - The Exhibition Hall is opened.' What is an exhibition hall?
14. '1992 - The Bowes-Lyon Bridge is opened by the Minister of State for Transport. The Exhibition Hall is re-opened with newly completed 'Tram At Night' scene and other displays.' Who or what is the Minister of State for Transport?
15. '1995 - Sheffield 74 launched, Oporto 273 and the Brill snow broom arrive.[4] The President's Conference Committee (PCC) Exhibition opens.' What is an exhibition and why is it capitalized?
16. '1997 - The first specially converted "AccessTram", in the form of Berlin 3006 comes into operation for visitors with disabilities.[2] Chesterfied 7 and London 1622 are launched.' You never explain what an AccessTram is.
17. '1998 - The Museum lends Blackpool & Fleetwood 2 and Blackpool 167 to Blackpool for the Fleetwood Tramroad Centenary.' What is a Tramroad Centenary?
18. '2002 - The Workshop Viewing Gallery, Workshop Extension and Red Lion pub open.' All of these terms need to be explained.
19. '2003 - The Library Reading Room and Archives Store is opened by HRH The Duke of Gloucester.' These two as well.
20. '2004 - The Woodland Walk and Sculpture Trail is opened by the Dowager Duchess of Devonshire.' These two as well.
21. '2005 - The TMS is fifty, and there are several special events to celebrate it. Halle 902 arrives.' How can something be a number?
22. '2008 - The Museum receives a Heritage Lottery Fund for £900,000 to restore the stone workshop and turn it into an exhibition and education centre.' What is a Heritage Lottery Fund, and what are stone workshops, exhibitions, and education centres?
23. '2009 - Several special events are expected to take place to celebrate the 50th birthday of the museum.[7] Cardiff 131, the first car on site, will return to service.' My contribution again, but expected would be better as planned.

Third Section

1. I still raise my criticism of using the term double-decker without saying what it is explicitly. I reserve that criticism about open-tops as well.
2. What is a 'condition', and what does it mean that it is fully-working?
3. 'Every day that the museum is open two to four of those trams are used in service on the mile long line.' should have a comma between 'open' and 'two'
4. 'There is also a 1969 Berlin Tram' why would Tram be capitalized?
5. '"Access Tram". This lets less able visitors have a ride on the line at the museum.' I addressed this in section two. The explanation of what it is should be moved there.
6. You use the term 'mile long'. The term 'mile' should be linked for non U.S/U.K readers.
7. 'Many of the trams can be seen at the museum, but some are in store at Clay Cross.' I would say that they are 'stored', not 'in store'. And what is Clay Cross?
8. 'Such examples are Blackpool Dreadnought 59 and Blackpool OMO 5.' Combine this with the previous sentence and seperate it. 'Many of the trams can be seen at the museum. Some of them, like Blackpool Dreadnought 59 and Blackpool OMO 5 are stored at Clay Cross.'

Fourth Section

1. The title itself contains the word operation, which isn't defined.
2. 'The Museum has four main forms of tramcar operation – horse, steam, diesel and electricity.' What are horses, steam, diesel, and electricity? Wikilinks, ho!
3. 'Electricity is used for the passenger carrying trams.' What is a passenger, and what does it mean that they are carried?
4. 'Sometimes diesel is used for shunting trams or rescuing trams that have broken.' What does shunting mean? What is rescuing?
5. 'The museum has three horse trams which are sometimes used on special days.' What is a special day?
6. 'Steam power is shown with the John Bull Steam Locomotive[1] and Dundee 21, the trailer car,[1] which are on display.[1]' Saying 'is shown with' is wordy, and unnecessary. What is a trailer car?
7. '...built to operate with just one form of current collector' What is a current collector?
8. 'but the museum's has been built so that any can be used' Museum should not have a 's at the end. It should read: 'but the museum has been built so any of them can be used.'
9. 'Another form of current collection is the conduit system and is shown through tramcar Blackpool 4.' I disagree with the usage of 'is shown through', it is wordy once again.
10. 'This system was most widely used in London.' Widely used is a neologism that isn't common throughout the world. The use of the longer word 'common' may be more appropriate.

Overall critique

The article is well written. These complaints are minor, and are simply needed to propel the article near perfection. Good job!

DefenseSupportParty 15:27, 21 March 2009 (UTC)