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BDSM is an initialism for bondage/discipline (BD), dominance/submission (DS), and sadism/masochism (SM). It means some kinds of sex play, sometimes these are called kink or fetish. They all have to do with trying to get sexual pleasure out of things that are often painful or upsetting. People try to do this in a safe way by agreeing on a "safe word". If someone says this word the whole play stops. This is to stop the play from going too far and causing real physical or emotional hurt.
BDSM and safety[change | change source]
Engaging in BDSM is riskier than practicing sex without the BDSM elements (often called "vanilla sex"). People doing BDSM follow a number of rules. People enganging in BDSM derive pleasure from either inflicting or receiving pain. They also do not want to give the impression that sex and violence are linked.
Before people engange in BDSM, they usually talk about each of the partner's wishes and fears. They also talk about the things that they are going to do, and the order in which they are done. Such detailed conversations are common. As people get to know each other better, these conversations become more informal. In addition, partitipants usually agree on a safe word; with this safe word, the action has to stop immediately. Safe words are used to make sure BDSM is safe. Sometimes one person thinks they are playing in an ok way, but the other person does not. The person who does not think the play is ok will use a safe word or gesture to stop playing. This means that the play must stop, so nobody gets hurt or injured.
What is also seen as a way of safety, is that after the session, the "top" is caring for the "bottom". The actions may have released hormones, and it may take minutes to hours for the bottom to return to a normal state. It is seen as a duty of the top to care for the bottom in this phase. This also applies when sessions are interrupted.
Bondage and discipline[change | change source]
Bondage is the use of items like handcuffs, ropes or chains to keep a willing person from moving. Bondage often has to do with sex, but not always. Bondage is done because some people like the feeling of being not able to move while having sex. In this case, bondage sometimes has to do with BDSM, as often in the case of rope bondage and bondage of the female breasts. The letter "B" in BDSM stands for "bondage". Bondage may also be done just because people may like the feelings it creates.
Some couples include bondage as foreplay in their otherwise traditional sex lives at some time during their relationship. These bedroom bondage games are often with one partner willingly being restrained with rope or cuffs. Sometimes they can also be blindfolded or gagged.
Dominance and submission[change | change source]
Domination and submission is[source?] a lifestyle. Often it is seen as a form of erotic play. Usually two people do this. With this lifestyle or context, one of the two people has the dominant role. He or she can tell the other (called submissive) to do things. The submissive has to obey. The roles are usually agreed on beforehand. The submission is voluntary. Sadomasochism may be seen as a variation of domination and submission. A person who plays both roles is called a switch.
References[change | change source]
- "San Francisco's Folsom Street Fair Featured Public Whippings". CNS News. 29 September 2008. Archived from the original on 3 August 2017. Retrieved 3 July 2017.
- Meg Barker, Alessandra Iantaffi, Camel Gupta: Kinky clients, kinky counselling? The challenges and potentials of BDSM. In: Lindsey Moon (publisher): Feeling Queer or Queer Feelings: Radical Approaches to Counselling: Sex, Sexualities and Genders. Routledge, London 2007, ISBN 978-0-415-38521-3, pp 106–124
- Jill D. Weinberg: Consensual Violence. Univ of California Press, 2016, ISBN 978-0-520-29066-2 Negotiated Consent, pp. 54 ff.
- Bill Henkin, Sybil Holiday: Consensual Sadomasochism: How to Talk About It and How to Do It Safely. Daedalus Publishing Company 1996, ISBN 1-881943-12-7, pp. 80–94
- David M. Ortmann, Richard A. Sprott: Sexual Outsiders: Understanding BDSM Sexualities and Communities. Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, 2012, ISBN 978-1-4422-1735-5, pp. 38 ff.
- Jay Wiseman (1998). SM 101: A Realistic Introduction. CA: Greenery Press. p. 111. ISBN 0-9639763-8-9.
- Gavin Brown, Jason Lim, Kath Browne: Geographies of Sexualities: Theory, Practices and Politics. Ashgate Publishing, 2012, ISBN 978-0-7546-7852-6, p. 97.
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