Love bombing
When a person tries to infuence another person by showing attention or affection, this is called love bombing. It can be used in different ways, and it is possible to use love bombing either for positive or negative purposes.[1] Psychologists say that love bombing may be part of a cycle of abuse. Love bombing has also been used in a group, to fight against a society, which is seen as hostile.[2] In 2011, clinical psychologist Oliver James advocated love bombing in his book Love Bombing: Reset Your Child's Emotional Thermostat, as a means for parents to correct emotional problems in their children.[3]
Use by new religious movements[change | change source]
The term love bombing was first used in the 1970s, by new religious movements. The Unification Church used it.[4] Family International also used it.[5] Psychology professor Margaret Singer reported on the concept.[6] In her 1996 book, Cults in Our Midst, she writes:
As soon as any interest is shown by the recruits, they may be love bombed by the recruiter or other cult members. This process of feigning friendship and interest in the recruit was originally associated with one of the early youth cults, but soon it was taken up by a number of groups as part of their program for luring people in. Love bombing is a coordinated effort, usually under the direction of leadership, that involves long-term members' flooding recruits and newer members with flattery, verbal seduction, affectionate but usually nonsexual touching, and lots of attention to their every remark. Love bombing—or the offer of instant companionship—is a deceptive ploy accounting for many successful recruitment drives.[7]
Abusive relationships[change | change source]
Modern social media makes love bombing easy. The abuser can stay in contact with the victim nearly all the tiime. A sign of love bombing can be that at the start of a relationship, there is a lot of attention during a short period of time; there also is a form of pressure for a very very rapid commitment.[8]
Another sign of love bombing is being intensely showered with affection, gifts, and promises for the future with the predator. The victim feels or is made to believe that all this is a sign of "love at first sight". Since such signs of affection and affirmation may meet felt needs and not look harmful at the surface, the excitement of such a new relationship often does not appear as cause for alarm.[8] However, after the initial excitement, when the victim shows interest or care about anything beyond their new partner, the manipulator may show anger, passive-aggressive behavior, or accuse the victims of selfishness. If the victim does not comply to demands, the devaluation stage begins: the abuser withdraws all affection or positive reinforcement and instead punishes the victim with whatever they feel is appropriate—shouting, beratement, mind games, silent treatment, or even physical abuse.[8]
An article in Cosmopolitan explains:
Anyone is capable of love bombing, but it's most often a symptom of narcissistic personality disorder. Love bombing is largely an unconscious behaviour. It's about really getting the other person. Then when they feel like they really got the person and they feel secure in the relationship, the narcissist typically switches and becomes very difficult, abusive, or manipulative.[9]
The expression has been used to describe the tactics used by pimps and gang members to control their victims.[10]
Positive cases[change | change source]
Excessive attention and affection is not a form of love bombing if there is no intent or pattern of further abuse. Psychologist Dale Archer explains:
The key to understanding how love bombing differs from romantic courtship is to look at what happens next, after two people are officially a couple. If extravagant displays of affection continue indefinitely, if actions match words, and there is no devaluation phase, then it's probably not love bombing. That much attention might get annoying after a while, but it’s not unhealthy in and of itself.[11]
Related pages[change | change source]
References[change | change source]
- ↑ Richardson, James T. (2004). Regulating Religion: Case Studies from Around the Globe. New York City: Springer. p. 479. ISBN 0-306-47887-0.
- ↑ Tourish, Dennis; Wohlforth, Tim (2000). On the Edge: Political Cults Right and Left. Armonk, New York: M.E. Sharpe. p. 19. ISBN 978-0765606396.
- ↑ James, Oliver (September 21, 2012). "All you need is love bombing".
- ↑ "1999 Testimony of Ronald N. Loomis to the Maryland Cult Task Force". Archived from the original on 2004-08-18.
- ↑ "Eyewitness: Why people join cults". BBC News. March 24, 2000. Retrieved January 5, 2010.
- ↑ Richardson, James T. (2004). Regulating Religion: Case Studies from Around the Globe. New York City: Springer. p. 479. ISBN 0-306-47887-0.
- ↑ Singer, Margaret (2003) [1996]. Cults in Our Midst. New York City: Wiley. ISBN 0-7879-6741-6.
- ↑ 8.0 8.1 8.2 Dodgson, Lindsay (February 26, 2018). "Manipulative people hook their victims with a tactic called 'love bombing' — here are the signs you've been a target". Business Insider. Retrieved March 29, 2021.
- ↑ L'Amie, Lauren (March 29, 2019). "Are You Being Love Bombed?". Cosmopolitan. Retrieved March 29, 2021.
- ↑ Dorais, Michel; Corriveau, Patrice (2009). Gangs and Girls: Understanding Juvenile Prostitution. Montreal, Quebec, Canada: McGill-Queen's Press. p. 38. ISBN 978-0773534414.
- ↑ Archer, Dale (March 6, 2017). "The manipulative partner's most devious tactic". Psychology Today. New York City: Sussex Publishers.