User:Archer7/Core article process/Tone

When writing in Simple English it's easy to sound patronising, which will turn away many of our readers. It can normally be solved by varying the sentence structure, using more complex vocabulary, removing references to the reader ('we' and 'you'), and linking to technical terms rather than explaining absolutely everything.

That probably won't make much sense, so here's an example.

Patronising: Wine is a drink. It contains alcohol. We usually use the word for the drink made from the juice of grapes (grapes are a fruit). Some people sometimes call alcoholic drinks made from the juice of other fruits "wine".

Better: Wine is an alcoholic drink. The word is usually used for the drink made from the juice of grapes, although people sometimes call alcoholic drinks made from the juice of other fruits "wine".

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• The two sentences at the start are very short. This makes the article sound boring and obviously patronising. In the second version, the second sentence is much longer. By varying the sentence structure the article sounds a lot better.
• Rather than have a short second sentence, we replace that with the word 'alcoholic' in the second version. This is a technical term, so it's OK to include, and its meaning will also be obvious to anyone that knows the word 'alcohol'. Technical terms relating to the subject should be included and not simplified. Although the second sentence is longer than the first, it is relatively simple.
• The use of the word 'we' is very patronising. In the second version we remove all references to the reader.
• Explaining what grapes are is not the purpose of the article. If someone already knows what grapes are, it sounds very patronising to have it explained to you in the article. In this situation, look to see whether it is necessary for it to be explained. If not, link to its article.

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