Talk:Hurricane Odile

Issues with this article[change source]

words/phrases that are complex or need explaing/rewording: intense, indirect deaths, satellite era

Landfalling: I know the enwiki article uses this, but it isn't a correct word. The standard way of saying this is "making landfall".

Sentence structure needs to be simplified. Try something like this for the lead: First sentence: say what Odile was and when it happened. Second sentence: say where it touched land Third sentence: mention about being one of the most intense in the satellite era

Instead of "became one of", just say "was one of".

The abbreviation "USD" for "US dollars": either link it or spell it out, because not everyone will know what it stands for.

"Satellite era" needs explaining.

The link to Baja California goes to a disambiguation page. It should go to an actual article. Be careful using that term. In the US, we tend to think of "Baja California" as the peninsula, but there is also a Mexican state called "Baja California". (Many Americans don't even know that Mexico has states.) There is another Mexican state with a similar name, Baja California Sur. Those two states cover the peninsula.

Fact changing: Enwiki article says "The wind estimates tie Odile with Hurricane Olivia in 1967 as the strongest tropical cyclone to move ashore Baja California Sur in the satellite era." Your version just said "strongest hurricane since Hurrican Olivia", leaving out the parts about wind estimates, being tied, coming ashore, and Baja California Sur. That changes the meaning because:

There could have been a stronger hurricane that didn't make landfall, or that made landfall but not in Baja California Sur. Your version doesn't allow for that possibility.
The original statement is based on estimates, so it might not be accurate.

Finally, don't forget to add attribution on the talk page.

Thanks. --Auntof6 (talk) 06:51, 1 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Why is intense complex? Angela Maureen (talk) 15:35, 1 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Partly because it can mean different things. Wiktionary has six different meanings for it. --Auntof6 (talk) 16:46, 1 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

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Comments on the changes so far:

In modern times is not the same as in the satellite era.
The phrase "in terms of wind" is not needed. That is the only way a hurricane can be strong.
The indirect deaths number doesn't necessarily mean deaths after the storm.

--Auntof6 (talk) 16:46, 1 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

But a hurricane can also be strong based on barometric pressure. Angela Maureen (talk) 18:52, 1 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Barometric pressure is characterized as being high or low, not strong or weak. In either case, you could say it more simply by just saying "had the strongest winds". --Auntof6 (talk) 20:30, 1 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Is the article ready to be moved back to mainspace?

Not yet. Unfortunately, some of your new wording changes have added even more incorrect statements. It will take me a little while to figure out what needs to be changed. --Auntof6 (talk) 22:47, 1 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

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Is this article ready for mainspace now? Angela Maureen (talk) 13:37, 2 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Almost, with the changes made by User:Rus793 and me. I think the only thing that needs to be changed now is to put the number of people killed back to 15. Rus gave a source that says 6, but that wasn't the final number. The NOAA article describes more than 6 deaths. --Auntof6 (talk) 16:22, 2 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Is the article ready now?