Talk:History of pizza
|This article contains a translation of History of pizza from en.wikipedia.|
Are there complex words or terms on the article[change source]
complex words and phrases:
flatbread, toppings, precursor, innovation, populations (just say "people")
flatbread material (material?), the focaccia (doesn't need "the")
Many of the sentences are too long. Try rewriting so that each has no more than one clause.
As with the sushi article, I think this could be merged with the Pizza article. There is already a history section there, and this doesn't give much more info than that. --Auntof6 (talk) 03:04, 9 July 2017 (UTC)
- I've taken out the words precursor, innovation and populations (replaced populations with people). I don't understand the no more than one clause thing. What does that mean? Angela Maureen (talk) 04:12, 9 July 2017 (UTC)
- "Flatbread" could have been handled by linking to our article on it. You have made it two separate words, which changes the meaning. Use the enwiki article as a guide to which uses should be one word, and which should be two.
- There's still toppings. "Precursor" doesn't mean "idea". Neither does "innovation".
- A clause is a section of a sentence. For example, the sentence "The word pizza was first documented in AD 997 in Gaeta, Italy, then later in parts of Central and Southern Italy." has two clauses: one is about where the word was first documented, and the other is about where it was documented later. Sentences here should usually have only one clause.
- I linked flatbread. I also shortened several sentences. Is there anything else? Angela Maureen (talk) 17:07, 9 July 2017 (UTC)
- Complex words/phrases: Neapolitan
- Link "Allied"
- The sentence "Pizza, though, was mainly eaten in the country of Italy." should be merged with the following sentence.
- "Hardly any household oven could reach such temperatures at the time.": first, replace "hardly any" with words that have a more encyclopedic tone. Second, what time is this referring to?
- Replace "the pizza" with just "pizza" (two places).
- Rearrange things so that they are in chronological order.
Finally, I really urge you to put this in the Pizza article instead of making a separate article. We usually make separate articles only to keep the main article from being too long. The info here is short enough that it wouldn't make the pizza article too long. --Auntof6 (talk) 20:01, 17 July 2017 (UTC)
- I've linked allied and neopolitan. I also replaced the pizza with just pizza. I rearranged things so they are in chronological order. Finally, I replaced hardly any with not many. Angela Maureen (talk) 07:58, 18 July 2017 (UTC)
- Still needed:
- Allies of World War II would be a better link than the one about an invasion.
- Neapolitan is a dab page. The link to it needs to be disambiguated.
- Things are not in chronological order. The first paragraph mostly is, but it talks about the time after WWII, then the time during WWII when Allied troops came. Then the next paragraph talks about Neolithic times and the one after that mentions the 16th century.
- "Toppings" still needs to be linked or explained.
- --Auntof6 (talk) 08:42, 18 July 2017 (UTC)
- Still needed:
- In reply to your post on my talk page:
- Toppings should be explained the first time it is used.
- Focaccia is described as "a flatbread to which food was added". This is not clear, because it could be interpreted as mixing other food into the dough. You probably want to use the term toppings or equivalent language.
- Neapolitan refers to Naples, yes, but it doesn't mean that chef was a native. He might have just worked there.
- The chronological order still needs fixing. Specifically, the statement about the Neolithic Age is out of order.
- The reference should be replaced, because it is a dead link.
- --Auntof6 (talk) 15:52, 15 August 2017 (UTC)
- I explained toppings the first time. Also fixed the chronological order. Finally, I replaced the reference. I may need help, though, explaining Neapolitan about the chef. Angela Maureen (talk) 13:58, 16 August 2017 (UTC)
- That looks pretty good. I reworded the part about the chef from Naples. In the new reference, I don't see where it says that most pizzas now have cheese. Can you tell me the text that says that? Also, "nowadays" isn't a good word to use in an article because it's time-dependent. Read Wikipedia:Manual of Style#Writing precisely for information about this issue. --Auntof6 (talk) 16:06, 16 August 2017 (UTC)
- You haven't addressed the two items I mentioned on August 16: the reference doesn't seem to support the statement it follows, and the word "nowadays" shouldn't be used. --Auntof6 (talk) 16:50, 22 August 2017 (UTC)
- But I had the word nowadays removed from the article. I also had the reference removed. Angela Maureen (talk) 12:50, 23 August 2017 (UTC)